Commitment is Dead!

And romanticism is on life support.

Photo by author Zachari George

God died a while ago. I didn’t write that one. I will write this one.

Commitment is dead!

Skeptical? Amused?

Before I explain this, I have to provide some background.

I’ve been in the therapy field for several years. I counsel people about dating, do couples therapy, and discuss relationships at length. I still believe in love and commitment. I’ve no bias toward people who want to be happy, however they wish to pursue that. Whether they want commitment, they want to be single without it, or they want some combination.

I love to daydream that there is “someone out there for me” - that they are forever there for me, and I am for them. I’ve seen and experienced greener grass, and I know that all the grass gets itchy at some point.

I can live with the grass I selected without fear of missing anything because I know it’s the best. The itchy feeling is always coming, but I can work through it with the right person.

I’ve also spent loads of time dating. I was once married; now, I’m divorced. I’m a single Dad. I did online dating before I was married and after. I’ve been on thousands of dates, most from an online meeting because people now think it’s creepy if you chat them up in the post office line.

The post office is nearly dead, too. Best not to be caught flirting in that ancient shrine of hand-scrawled love letters. It would be a faux pas.

Instead, enter the modern wooing equivalent. Be prepared. Online dating is time-consuming. It’s best done with an open mind and a thick skin. It can be a part-time job if you let it. There are many surprises, butterflies in the stomach, and magical happenings.

It also can be one of the most frustrating experiences of your life. Many feelings go unfulfilled. If that sounds daunting, consider that I sometimes color those statements with an adverse tint (probably a puke green) because of my subjective experience. It’s a dark, oily canvas. Sometimes we need to see ugly art and feel ugly feelings. I’ll push that piece back to the archives for now.

Others might create a lovely pastel watercolor because they (mainly women) have…