She Works Hard for the Funny: why dating a funny woman is my fantasy.

Wanted: funny woman. Puns, Dad jokes, goofiness and social commentary gladly offered in return.

Where I live, funny women seem few and far between these days. Maybe that will change. Spring is here and I suppose Midwest people are just as itchy as people anywhere else to revive their social lives with visits to the comedy and improv scene. People are you ready to laugh again? Maybe my funny woman is materializing as we speak. Her humor is lurking somewhere.

In the meantime, I’ve been reading numbers of funny articles from female writers here on Medium. I think that when we laugh, we’re incredibly vulnerable. When I make someone laugh, or they laugh at me, they’re showing me something personal about themselves. That’s a special place to be. When a woman makes me laugh, I feel closer to her. I’ve been wanting that feeling again lately. I have a fantasy about a funny, fully clothed woman who grows old with me. We laugh along the way.

So why is a funny woman for me? She’s a hustler. She’s quick. She’s smart, and if she’s on the level, she doesn’t people please. I’ll always struggle to relate to overly cautious people. Funny women make statements. They’re risk takers. I happen to live in area where the statements many people want to make come from their tailpipes, so a funny woman is a refreshing upgrade to the environment. She’s not my accessory, she’s my equal.

The last funny woman I went on a date with had me laughing regularly for the first quarter of our date, and questioning whether or not she hated humanity by the end of it. I found her to be judgmental, lacking in understanding about my field- given her profession, and a bit callous. She held her own though. I could feel her seriousness with mine. I’m no saint either, so I was curious.

She didn’t really like me asking about any of it. She said she just wanted to have fun. It was too bad, I was magnetized by her eyes, her wit, her leadership of others. The leather pants also helped. She had me cackling like a wild dog. Date two was already arranged. She kissed me excitedly at the end. I felt 16 all over again. Pressed against each other, I spun her around by her waist in a parking garage. It was exhilarating. She texted me the next day that we weren’t a good fit.

I guess she was too interested in being funny and not so interested in me getting to know who she really was. What was behind all those biting jokes about people with depression, or those comments about how she could “walk all over a man?” Were we supposed to jump in the back of her Honda SUV and do something stereotypical? Oh well, that was more interesting than the one who told me were both too “alpha” for one another. She had her own consulting and advocacy business. She kissed me too, the night before I got one of the “I’m going to take the easy way out” texts! She wasn’t funny at all. Damn, that was last fall.

Despite crying clowns, hard working honeys know what’s funny. In the past, I seemed to attract nurses (who often have a twisted sense of humor), or teachers (who depending on my experience can be hilarious). I’ve never met a nurse or a teacher who didn’t have a strong work ethic. Yes, I’m generalizing, but think of who you know in these fields. Also, they know sacrifice. Long shifts, stress, trauma sometimes. Dedication is high on my value list. Most of the nurses were funny, and so were the teachers, even if their jokes were fewer in frequency, their magnitude compensated.

What if I switch it up? I’ve never dated a woman who did stand up or improv, though I would. Those ladies work their butts off and give up a lot to be able to perform, usually for very little money. Funny writers? You’ll always have my ear. We can split the check.

In all seriousness, I know what it takes to craft. Having something in common with funny women, their life experience and minds means the conversations flow easier. I hear you Ms. Hilarious. Show me the funny and you show me the soft side too. You’re a page turner. Respect.

I’ll finish my fantasy here. Three other characteristics I usually find in funny women: confidence, honesty, decisiveness. You already know confidence is hot. Women being themselves, in the most authentic way, unabashedly quirky able to express yourselves, you have my attention.

Honesty is undervalued in this era too. Honesty requires confidence for some. Many folks sure seem to be measuring their words more than ever before these days (strokes beard and chews on wheat stalk). Be honest! Say what. Say no. Say what you want. Subtlety and sexiness aren’t always synonymous. Let’s save the beating around the bush for later. Simplicity can still be eloquent. I like it when a woman tells me what she wants, and when she can tell me I have something stuck in my teeth. Odds are we both want to eat at the same places.

Decisive people have a better chance of getting what they want. They know their own preference profiles and they can narrow things down quickly. They can go with their gut and live with consequences. Sexy.

Okay, I’m done fantasizing. Finally, Have you ever heard that if you want to see if a guy is successful on a date with a woman, look you should for how much she’s laughing at his jokes? I beg to differ. Can they make each other laugh in bed? You know (durn wayell!) when things stop being funny, it’s usually not a good sign. We can’t laugh all the time, yet we can try. I say if she’s got him laughing, they’re a pretty good pair. Maybe most guys don’t care about funny. I do.

I think I’m fairly funny, and I bring myself to laughter all the time. I love it when a lady gets me there instead.

Thank you funny ladies, for making me laugh. I appreciate all you hard work, honesty and confidence. Let’s go out soon.

Author Zachari George, a true MidAmerican, is neither from the South, nor from the North, because to the south is Mexico, and to the North is Canada. *Photo self portrait, courtesy of author